Breaks
by: me

In the bath
the warm seemed just right
and I grasped at the water
to try to envelop myself
in the wet scented warm
and the golden candle light
I thought about a book I read
quite some time ago
the author said that everything
has an end
that when things break you shouldnt
cry
that you should just accept it

"there it goes. its time has come"

I chew on that chunk of wisdom
and wonder what will break next

Bubbles kissed my thighs
and reminded me
of younger times
when my age had no meaning
and the burden of withering away
was far above me
far below me

far


I seem at my highest
I seem at my lowest
broken
yet strong

On my stomach in the tub
my ass emerging from the milky water
I hold my head in my hands
and wonder what is wrong
isnt everything right?

the wake lapping my shoulders
thoughts moving ashore


I wonder if this water washed away
my skin
would there be anything worth
looking at
is there anything there worth clothing
beside vanity wrapped in self loathing

I want to be more
healthier
stronger
free of insanity
the thoughts of beauty
and age
and the fear
that I will not break
until
the pink is gone from my cheeks
and the color of my hair forgotten
skin almost rotten
creviced and tired

surely there is more
to me than this shallow bath
I sit
sink
drink
escape
into

If all I have is myself (another bit of written wisdom)
then what will I have left

when everything else
breaks?